just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
