why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
