I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
