you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
