great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
