Pants 0. Shit 1.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
