You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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