i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
