got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I wear drunk well.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
