I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
