i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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