I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
