He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
