Plan B is the new Plan A
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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