I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
