I just saw a hot homeless man
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
