I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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