Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
