I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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