I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
do herpes really smell.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
