Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
