I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
