Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
