Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize