I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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