god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
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