you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
