so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
