So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
