Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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