She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I am midnight drunk by noon
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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