you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize