like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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