dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
