My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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