The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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