3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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