her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize