i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
