The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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