I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just come out here and I will go home with you...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
