It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
