i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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