Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize