I bet he comes in French.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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