My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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