Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
