True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
