Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
