i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
