No stitches, just platelets and will power
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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