I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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