woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
