Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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