after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
