I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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