HIV tests are more positive than that guy
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
