Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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