when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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