How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Come on in and take your pants off
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