I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
