he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
