In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
