He disabled his match.com account in front of me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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