Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
