woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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