speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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