My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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