I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
