I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
