you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
