everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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