I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
