I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
