ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
