I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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