good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
