even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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