apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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